Gold Stars

I’ll admit it, I’m still struggling with feelings of antsy-ness, of wondering if my place is elsewhere. I wonder if what I’m doing in Marion matters in the grand scheme of things. I wonder if I’m just getting by, not really accomplishing anything. It’s silly, I kn0w, because I’m very much blessed with a great job, nice house, and awesome hubby.

But I want to KNOW that I’m doing something worthwhile, and that I’m not missing out on something I SHOULD be doing!

I was talking about it with a colleague at work today, and he mentioned that Jesus seemed to pay more attention to the day, to the moment, than to the future. When He taught His discples to pray, He said, “Give us this day our daily bread.” And in Matthew 6:34, He said, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day as enough troubles of its own.”

It’s an interesting thought. It seems to show me that God is more concerned about us dedicating each day, each moment to Him than presenting Him a laundry list of awesome things we’ve accomplished or amazing places we’ve been. No big surprise there, I guess. “All our righteous acts are as filthy rags…” Allowing God to use our skills and abilities for His glory is one thing, expecting Him to be impressed with them is quite another.

But my earthly mindset likes to shift into check-out-what-I’ve-done-and-what-I-plan-to-do mode. I define success by those lists. By the things I’ve checked off, the gold stars I’ve gotten.

It gets exhausting, chasing after those gold stars.